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For years I have been a big fan of Sex and the City not only because of its raunchy screen play and its cliffhanging plot line, but because SJP's character Carrie Bradshaw reminded me that writers can actually make money and live fabulous lives, as long as the men, alcohol, and friends are in constant supply. Men have brushed off the show as just another excuse for women to objectify men as these playthings with dollar signs and commas in between them, but it's much, much more than that.
When the television show debuted in the mid-90's, it was a breakthrough hit, especially for HBO. Finally, in between the Playboy channel and ESPN, women had a show of their own they could relate to, without the emotional distress that the Lifetime channel gives women. I respected the fact that the show portrayed women who were successful in their own right, and didn't need a man to give their life meaning (big plus) while adding the single woman's accessory (the gay man) right along next to her designer handbag and shoes. Even with the women taking the show on their own turf, the men of course played a significant role - the relationships. The meat and potatoes so to speak of Carrie's column, Sam's life, Charlotte's problems, and Miranda's pessimism. Not to mention, the men were HOT.
Needless to say, when the show ended in 2004, I was left wondering if they would do a reunion, or if I would be doomed to watching PG versions on network television..or the on-demand HBO episodes (thank god for DVR!) Then, something amazing happened - talks of a movie happened! Though this isn't the long-standing season I wanted and the Big-Carrie relationship that I loved following so much, but hey, it was something. Unfortunately, the show that prided itself on the city of New York has now planned to open in Paris. I understand that Paris is a big fashion industry and whatnot, but what the fuck?
If I am not mistaken, Paris was one of the biggest mistakes the lead character, Carrie, did in the show. She left with that crazy-ass Russian (who I HATED) and ended up being left alone and getting hit. It's okay though, he was an asshole and Big would have kicked his ass if Carrie had allowed. (Man, do I love Mr. Big) Though Big had his asshole-y moments, he was the only one worthy enough to be one of the leading men. The Steve-Miranda relationship never really worked for me (and now knowing that she was a lesbian faking all the big dick talk kind of killed it) Sam-Smith are cute but let's face it, he's young and inexperienced but he has a good heart (hopefully Sam didn't let him go) and Harry-Charlotte are the black sheep of the show, only there to keep it all balanced. Carrie and Big are the basis of everything Sex and the City! If she doesn't end up with him (let's face it...her history with men sucked...Aiden was a dick, Berger was emotionally unavailable, that Bon Jovi character had problems..) it's going to be a big blow to the show. But of course, we all kind of know in the back of our minds that they will be together...
What really gets me is the fact that all the drama between the girls (so-called BFF's?) is what has held off the making of the movie all of these years. They all hated on SJP for being the spotlight character...but what did they think? Honestly, the narrator of the show is going to get the spotlight...not the sex fiend, the narcissist-turned lesbian, or the doormat. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Although from the outsider perspective, while not on the set of Sex and the City, SJP's acting skills are somewhat bleak. For example her Oprah appearance really threw me for a loop. If your syntax sucks, don't talk off set especially if you are playing a witty manizer. Maybe that's just me though.
With all the bad, there is still a TON of anticipation for this movie, especially for me. Well, there was until I saw the previews. Is it just me, or does Chris Noth look like he got some MAJOR botox on his face? He didn't look like the Big I fell in love with during the show. Sure, it's been 4 years...but like what...? two years ago he played in that god-awful Hillary Duff film about being the Perfect Man or some mess like that and he looked absolutely gorgeous...WHAT HAPPENED? I hope it was just my computer screen or that whole attraction will be done for me, and that would suck. Along with that, there was a ton of speculation about someone dying by the end of the film. To me if it's not another one of Charlotte's babies (hey, sometimes miscarriage can be funny...can't really see Charlotte dealing with a crazy kid) then it's unnecessary. Why would you kill off a character? Is Sam's cancer in remission? Why does it look like on the trailer that Carrie leaves at the alter? Did Steve cheat on Miranda? Did Carrie push Big away? Again? Hopefully these questions can be answered in the movie...but with all the scores from the seasons that need to be settled, this movie could easily be 5-7 hours (which I would totally be fine with.)
So now with the countdown to Sex and the City the Movie at 18 days, I'm hoping it's worth the wait and worth the $9.00 I'm going to have to shell out just to see it. Unlike other films, this one can't be seen after it comes out on DVD. I think it would be interesting if Cynthia Nixon's character would have turned lesbian on Steve in the show/movie...could have really turned it up a notch. I dunno, that's just me...I just cannot wait for the movie!
Please with all that is holy, do not make this movie shitty.
There's nothing quite like watching a hockey game, especially when it matches up two teams from the same state for the Eastern Conference Finals. Of course, one is going to win and head to TSC, and the other will go back home crying - or in Fuckadelphia's case, they will make excuses all series about why they are doing so poorly and blame it on the other team, Pittsburgh, for outlandish plays they just can't keep up on.
After the first game of the series where the Pens sent Briere back to where the little bitch came from, it was obvious that this series was going to be like playing Ottawa again. No problems there, except the fact that Canadian teams have more class than Fuckadelphia ever will, especially coach John Stevens. Besides the fact that he looks like that kid in high school that had his head draped over a TI-80 for four years that everyone hated, he showed just how classy Fuckadelphia is at Sunday's game 2 of the series, where he spouted "That's fucking bullshit!" at least 5 times after the clock had run 6 seconds more than what he thought to be fair.
First of all, the man has got to know he's being framed at every angle (though I don't know why...he's an ugly S.O.B) and anyone with half a brain cell could figure out what he was saying. Right, you're pissed off - let it go. Or...you could do what Hartnell did all game and keep a muddy half grin/half snarl on your face and not do anything about it. Whatever the case, don't act like a angsty teenager just because your team sucks and you're finally realizing it. Sure, Sid the Kid has been known to say "fuck" every once in a while when he gets jobbed during a play, but he's actually doing work - whereas you Mr. Stevens, are sitting your ass on the bench doing nothing productive with your sacred Flyers. Orange Crush is right, this series is going to be a shoe-in.
I also have another bone to pick with game 2. Not even mentioning the fact that Versus gives some of the most mal-productive commentary out there (am I actually wanting Steiggy back?) one of the most outrageous things I have seen in the playoffs was the disallowed goal by Gonch (some thought it was Crosby, but in fact it was Gonch.) If the boys upstairs would have pulled their heads out of John Stevens' ass crack for 30 seconds while the play was being executed (I guess that's what happens when Versus decides to put two idiots in the box calling the game who run off in tangents about games we don't give a shit about) they would have seen that the puck DID IN FACT cross the line, and that there are many stills from the play that show the puck over that line. You would also think that Fuckadelphia and Cumberger would do something productive with that small momentum booster, but of course, they didn't.
Oh well, I guess it didn't matter whether we got the goal or not. MadMax showed Pensnation why he is so badass and why injuries won't hold us back (coughseanaverycoughkimmotimonen) and even though people call us divers, call-embellishers, bitches, etc...they can't deny the fact that we are winning, and in the playoffs that is all that matters. It also helps to have people like USS Gill and Scary Gary to ward off any players that seem to think they can step to our guys...but as soon as they get within 5 feet of GR's death stare, they know we are all business.
So now we are left to wait until Tuesday evening when the Pens and the Fuckers meet in Fuckadelphia for game 3. With a 2-0 cushion riding under our belts as we coast into the city of inappropriate brotherly love, my only concern is that we need to keep the momentum going and ward off the demons of past losses. It's do or die time to say the least, and this is where we would all cue in "Eye of Tiger" and start running up stairs. Hey, if Stallone can make it happen, so can Bing. Personally, I think it would be amazing to see Malkin run up to the Liberty Bell after we finish the series and bang it like a gong to show "filly" is finished, but I'm not sure if he would understand the significance. Whatever the outcome, it's always sweet to finish off a Pittsburgh native who abandoned his roots for a run-down city with no talent like Philadelphia. Advice to Cumberger after the 4th game loss - become an unrestricted free agent or move to somewhere like China...they can appreciate a choke artist there. Free Rice?
Okay, so I was a freshman in high school when the first installment of shitty "reality tv" was created, also known as Laguna Beach (well, I guess formally known) and that was bad enough. For those of you lucky enough to avoid the show, it was basically about these juniors and seniors in high school, the bitchy blonde (+ 1 brunette) girls along with their surfer/jock/asshole boyfriends and boy toys. Now, I have nothing against boy toys, for they fulfill one purpose in life, to satisfy a single woman who doesn't want to settle down, but for these (mostly Kristin and Lauren) aka LC (are men that ridiculous they need to shorten names so they know what to scream at night??) girls, boys are just another accessory to go along with their hollywood fake tans and their jumbo sunglasses that turn their already abnormal faces into aliens (i won't know the big sunglasses, for i own pairs of them, but they look like morons in them) For a while, that show proved to be a nice solace getaway from my Bethel Park roots where drama just wasn't high enough to phase me...I mean c'mon, I don't think one girl from my high school went through the laundry list of boys these two drama queens did, (well, maybe the class of '08 and below is a different story...) and I do not remember any men thinking up (or being bullied into) the creative ways to asking us girls to prom and/or homecoming. For me personally, it was just a simple "wanna go" "ok" type deal, and I'm fine with that, but stereotyping men into this category where chivalry is forced upon them to make their asinine interior fade is just as much bullshit as the "real" script they read over every week. Let's face it, no man would ever think up writing "PROM?" in roses or candles by a pool, and if they do, please give me their numbers...and FAST.
That's beside the point though...now after "LC" moved on with her life and moved on to rough times in Beverly Hills in her top back Mercedes and her luxurious pad, she actually had to find a real job...oh no...god forbid anyone with money actually has to work to make a living. But wait! It gets better! She scores a dream job at Teen Vogue, well actually, she becomes Teen Vogue's little computer/club bitch, which she screws up royally when she chooses a man over Paris (who the HELL would do that?) and lets Heidi (her extremely obnoxious, brainless roommate) crash some of the parties TV is hosting. On the upside, at least her coworker Whitney seems to have some common sense, and shows no real sympathy for when Lauren keeps going back to assholes who don't treat her right...unfortunately she becomes the butt of awkward face punchlines everywhere, and can't seem to get Lauren off her ass so she can get a real job.
So anyway, in typical Hollywood fashion, Heidi finds her perfect counterpart, the equally (if not more) obnoxious dick for brains Spencer, who is a free-loading playboy wannabe banking off of his sister's money (I wish I were making this up...but check it out for yourself) and this dynamic duo makes for rough waters between Lauren and Heidi, because Lauren, being the good friend that she is, disapproves of the way Spencer treats Heidi (okay, what about that drunken piece of shit she dated named Jason?) and Heidi ends up getting engaged to the moron and moves in with him...aka she's the breadwinner and he sits around watching Lost and painting murals of totally rad graffiti all over the place.
Anyway, enough with the background. I hate this show for two reasons: First, it's incredibly addicting, simply for the fact that every week I tune in to see what kind of dumb shit they do next, and who gets another nose job (Heidi, your lips and nose look like shit, get your money back) and second, they say this shit is real, yet anytime you look at Audrina talking, you can tell she's reading straight from a script. It sickens me that I'm drawn to this MTV crap, but I honestly try to count how many times Whitney makes the (omg/wow) face in an episode, or how many times a boy screws them over. One thing is for sure, Brody can go back to Keeping Up With The Kardashians - because he looks like an ugly pug who was kicked by its owner (sad by true - and I DO NOT advocate animal cruelty) and even though Jason was probably high off of his ass during every episode, at least he made it entertaining by being overly-extravagant and saying "omg what did i do?" every five minutes. Ah, quality television.
For a while, I figured that Laguna Beach was dramatic enough. I mean honestly, a bunch of teenagers partaking in underage drinking (yahhhtzeeeee) and using mommy and daddy's credit card to go to Cabo every other weekend was entertaining, but in the real world - it's just not the same. I honestly think the Hills would gain more viewers if they dropped Heidi, Lauren, and Audrina off in the Bronx or somewhere -- maybe even Philly or Compton...did anyone catch Heidi's attempt at rapping on youtube anywhere? She rapped for Nelly, and I think now officially the rap culture is dead. I think a REAL reality show needs some REAL drama, set them up in Compton next to Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie and have them bloods and crips take some target practice at them...or maybe even introduce them to some real-life crack addicts...maybe like an Intervention meets a Snoop Dogg music video. Hell yes.
Either way, I'm still going to watch the rest of the season, even though their new music downloading feature blows (I still haven't found a song they played 30 seconds of on the second episode of this season and it's bugging the hell out of me) because I am mesmerized by Heidi's disgusting nose/lip job she had done in between seasons. I guess she was going for the 24-hour pouty look, congratulations! Where will Lauren go from here? She is already pouncing on Whitney's career and talking with the enemy...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MTV! Put Spencer and Lauren into like a lemonade stand competition...see if the freeloader can make any money with his scraggly ass poor man's facial hair. Now that's real television.
Oh and MTV, thanks for ruining a quality Natasha Bedingfield song...it was catchy the first 3747383832873723 times it was played.
Oh well, at least it's not the Paper...
So I was flipping through channels because I was tired of watching depressing episodes of Animal 911 on Animal Planet (honestly, some people are pieces of shit for what they do to animals...but that's another rant) but anyway, so I turn on MTV and finish watching Real World Hollywood which is a disappointment in itself, and then comes on the new show, The Paper. Ok, first of all, who the hell thought it would be interesting watching a bunch of juniors in high school bitch about who becomes editor in chief of their glamorous paper? I was intrigued because I have been a part of newspaper since high school and I am a journalism major, but when I watched these kids I wanted to change my major and never write again.
First we have the annoying over-achieving kiss ass who seems to also be into theatre who dreams of being President and who everyone hates (I wonder why...) then, there is of course, the overly-flamboyant closeted young gay boy who bitches and cries throughout 90% of the episode because he wants editor in chief and relays the fun bitchy back-stabbing comments to all his little cohorts against the crazy kiss ass girl.
Not to mention through it all, we have the annoying young couple who do nothing but make out and touch each other the whole time, even in school (where the fuck are the no touching policies? in my school, we couldn't even hold hands) and then the sports editor who thinks he is king-almighty himself, still wondering why he never got editor in chief because he is the best candidate. So of course, the kiss ass wins the editor in chief position - so where is the plot line for a whole season? Oh yeah, it's about how the girl is not respected by anyone and how they all plan on teaming up against her and not turn in their stuff etc etc. Basically, all the dilemmas of an over-dramatic bunch of actors who want nothing more than to degrade any normalcy as much as it can.
For me, watching this show has made me shake my head and want to cry because first of all, what high school newspaper staff has 50 members? second of all...how many of them are actually THAT good? and finally, with all the drama...god only knows how good the paper actually is. Sounds like it is all a gossip column for pissy post-puberty kids who have nothing better to do. They may say they are highly respected, but they sure as hell don't show it.
If you're on a staff under someone you don't like, you don't jeopardize the production of the item because you're stubborn, you tough it the fuck out! If the Advocate (my college newspaper) staff ever turned into a charade like this, I would quit immediately and burn the damn office down. Journalism is about ethics, respect, and truth...which this show has none of. I am thoroughly disgusted at the fact that MTV found it entertaining to take a bunch of moronic teenieboppers and shove responsibility in front of them, and I hope all of those kids look back on this one day and go "what the fuck was I thinking" because that is exactly what I am thinking right now.
On a final note, who takes high school journalism that seriously anyway? Ok, when I was in high school, my EIC my junior/senior year was a control-freak crazy ass bitch with nothing better to do than to complain and meticulously do her math homework while everyone else did the work, but honestly, I remember hearing off the show from the kiss-ass something to the effect of, "becoming editor in chief of my high school newspaper will be the most important position of my life, if i don't get it, my life will be over." Hun, if that's the case, you might as well start practicing "would you like fries with that?" rather than the inverted pyramid of style.
Anyway, the point of this rant is that MTV can go to hell...how can something be called music television when there's no music? Hail limewire and the use for Canadian network shows that actually show music!
