We all have one. He's mysterious and handsome, and you can't wait to just be around him. His voice is tough and weathered, yet it radiates a sense of composure and wisdom we wish we all had. That "Mr. Big" character is one that will say things just to see you cry, or laugh, or blush...but it is all in good intentions. He's got an unbreakable bond with your heart, and you'll be dammed if you ever saw him with another woman...for long.
I've been thinking a lot about my proverbial Mr. Big, and not just because the SATC movie is coming out soon. It's weird, I mean, my Mr. Big is a man I don't think I could ever have a relationship with (not because of normal circumstances) but yet when I am around him (it's been a long while unfortunately) I feel like I couldn't get much better than what he is. Just like Carrie, Mr. Big brings out the best in me. He teases me like a little kid wanting something from the candy shop, and for some odd reason, I can't stay away. Honestly, it's weird...I go to bed every night, and even though I don't intend to, I have these dreams with him in them and it's like my mind is trying to tell me something.
Have you ever had someone stuck in your head, even if you don't mean to? I mean, just like in the show with Carrie and Big, though she has all these (sometimes) wonderful relationships - she still drifts to Big when things go bad, or when she has some sort of relapse in thought. It's those split-second memories that make everything (even the not-so-big, big stuff) insignificant. That moment your eyes first caught his was the moment you finally felt like everything would be all right - as cliche as it is.
Then again, Big has a temper. He can fly off the handle fast and when you talk about commitment, he's running for the door. He's made some stupid choices in women, especially when he didn't pick you...and you can see it in his eyes that though he is older and wiser, he wishes deep down that in the end it could have been different. Big is a typical man - impatient, cocky, doesn't like to pinpoint his faults, and would rather run from a situation than deal with it first hand. Unfortunately, that draws you to him even more.
Underneath the overly-macho style of his weathered self, he is a compassionate, kind, and will compliment you just when you need it most. He comes back into your life at unexpected times and although he may not be what you need at the time - he is DEFINITELY what you want. He notices the little things, but is afraid to point them out. He's full of passion, but he has to open up to you first (and likewise) for you to see and feel it. His eyes are piercing, yet you feel yourself sinking in them at any chance you get. Big is a man in all shapes and sizes - but no matter what, he will protect what is important to him at any regard.
My Big has taught me so much in the time that I have known him that I don't think there is anything I could ever do to repay him. He doesn't know how special he is, but maybe that helps the suspense a little bit. He is looked down upon by many, but to me, he is perfect. He knows where has been and he knows where he wants to end up - and no one could ever take that independence from him. He is the type of person that could pinpoint what's wrong without me having to say one word. He knows how to make me smile, yet sometimes he still has the ability to make me cry. A man has never made me feel so many emotions as quickly as he has. He's got some sort of stranglehold on me and I can't stand it because I know nothing can come of it.
Being the pessimist I am, I figure that sometimes in the end you don't get the Big, it's the chase that counts. The lessons he made you learn, the emotions he made you feel, and the bittersweet feeling of knowing it could never go any farther. Though sometimes this will bite you in the ass. My Big is my envision of a perfect (or as perfect as possible) man - what does that say for anyone else that I meet? With such high expectations, how the hell will I ever find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with, without comparing him to someone I know I could be totally and completely happy with? Life is weird that way, sometimes what you truly want is so far ahead of you that it is unattainable. Does this mean in life we sometimes have to settle? Does this mean that not everyone gets their fairytale ending of everything they have ever wanted come true? When is it time to pack up and move on to another fable? Or just run off to a disappointing comedy that had an excellent opening act, but all went downhill from there...sometimes I guess, we must gather everything that make moments decent and settle for dreaming about what would make them extraordinary.
