My Take On A Mr. Big

We all have one. He's mysterious and handsome, and you can't wait to just be around him. His voice is tough and weathered, yet it radiates a sense of composure and wisdom we wish we all had. That "Mr. Big" character is one that will say things just to see you cry, or laugh, or blush...but it is all in good intentions. He's got an unbreakable bond with your heart, and you'll be dammed if you ever saw him with another woman...for long.
I've been thinking a lot about my proverbial Mr. Big, and not just because the SATC movie is coming out soon. It's weird, I mean, my Mr. Big is a man I don't think I could ever have a relationship with (not because of normal circumstances) but yet when I am around him (it's been a long while unfortunately) I feel like I couldn't get much better than what he is. Just like Carrie, Mr. Big brings out the best in me. He teases me like a little kid wanting something from the candy shop, and for some odd reason, I can't stay away. Honestly, it's weird...I go to bed every night, and even though I don't intend to, I have these dreams with him in them and it's like my mind is trying to tell me something.
Have you ever had someone stuck in your head, even if you don't mean to? I mean, just like in the show with Carrie and Big, though she has all these (sometimes) wonderful relationships - she still drifts to Big when things go bad, or when she has some sort of relapse in thought. It's those split-second memories that make everything (even the not-so-big, big stuff) insignificant. That moment your eyes first caught his was the moment you finally felt like everything would be all right - as cliche as it is.
Then again, Big has a temper. He can fly off the handle fast and when you talk about commitment, he's running for the door. He's made some stupid choices in women, especially when he didn't pick you...and you can see it in his eyes that though he is older and wiser, he wishes deep down that in the end it could have been different. Big is a typical man - impatient, cocky, doesn't like to pinpoint his faults, and would rather run from a situation than deal with it first hand. Unfortunately, that draws you to him even more.
Underneath the overly-macho style of his weathered self, he is a compassionate, kind, and will compliment you just when you need it most. He comes back into your life at unexpected times and although he may not be what you need at the time - he is DEFINITELY what you want. He notices the little things, but is afraid to point them out. He's full of passion, but he has to open up to you first (and likewise) for you to see and feel it. His eyes are piercing, yet you feel yourself sinking in them at any chance you get. Big is a man in all shapes and sizes - but no matter what, he will protect what is important to him at any regard.
My Big has taught me so much in the time that I have known him that I don't think there is anything I could ever do to repay him. He doesn't know how special he is, but maybe that helps the suspense a little bit. He is looked down upon by many, but to me, he is perfect. He knows where has been and he knows where he wants to end up - and no one could ever take that independence from him. He is the type of person that could pinpoint what's wrong without me having to say one word. He knows how to make me smile, yet sometimes he still has the ability to make me cry. A man has never made me feel so many emotions as quickly as he has. He's got some sort of stranglehold on me and I can't stand it because I know nothing can come of it.
Being the pessimist I am, I figure that sometimes in the end you don't get the Big, it's the chase that counts. The lessons he made you learn, the emotions he made you feel, and the bittersweet feeling of knowing it could never go any farther. Though sometimes this will bite you in the ass. My Big is my envision of a perfect (or as perfect as possible) man - what does that say for anyone else that I meet? With such high expectations, how the hell will I ever find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with, without comparing him to someone I know I could be totally and completely happy with? Life is weird that way, sometimes what you truly want is so far ahead of you that it is unattainable. Does this mean in life we sometimes have to settle? Does this mean that not everyone gets their fairytale ending of everything they have ever wanted come true? When is it time to pack up and move on to another fable? Or just run off to a disappointing comedy that had an excellent opening act, but all went downhill from there...sometimes I guess, we must gather everything that make moments decent and settle for dreaming about what would make them extraordinary.

Fuck People Who Plagiarize

There's only one picture of GWB I enjoy. This one. GWB says, "FUCK OFF!"

If there is one thing that pisses me off more than ignorant people, it is people who plagiarize someone else's work. Today, I was harmlessly browsing google looking up words and stuff when I come across a blog. At first I was intrigued because the blog belonged to someone I used to be best friends with back in high school (those were the days, huh?) I decided to read it and see how his life was going and since I know he is a Democrat I wanted to see who he was voting for. I saw Hillary Clinton's name and I was proud because although he and I weren't friends anymore (my bad?) at least he knew who the right choice was for President. Then, I started seeing my words under his name. It wasn't even a sentence of mine, IT WAS MY WHOLE FUCKING BLOG. Mind you, I posted the blog two days prior to his posting of it, and it is written in my style (anyone could tell you that if they read it) so I was really sort of taken aback when I read it.
Plagiarizing someone's work is like stealing their boyfriend/girlfriend from them and having mad animal sex with them in front of the person and laughing about it the whole time. I felt a sense of ultimate betrayal when I read the post because although he and I had our different lives now, he was still "keeping tabs" on me and most importantly, stealing my work. I think it is great that he found it intriguing enough to use, but the least I asked of him was to put my name on the work. Unfortunately, he deleted the post and it's no longer in his name...but what kills me is that it was for a period of time. What if someone thought, "wow, he is witty" with the words that (I) wrote and yet he took the credit for it? Ah, I guess that is what happens when you are a writer. You come across those people who cannot find the right words themselves to use so they use yours instead. Inevitably, sometimes we need to learn from high school by saying, "if you copy another's work, you fail."
I hope anyone who reads this understands how hard a writer works to develop something that will get someone hooked. It is not everyday that one of the biggest minority battles in the US happens, and for me to put my perspective out there is a big step. I guess being copied from rather than scoffed at is better than nothing, but I don't see why people can't just write what they are feeling rather than using another's words. I feel like having to attribute quotes from people in high school for those meaningless papers we had to write set us all back because we had to conjure up ideals from someone else's thought process. What good does that do anyone?
I'll be the first one to admit that back in school days, I would occasionally cheat on a test or homework, but I would NEVER copy someone's entire paper and put my name on it. I think that is one of the most selfish things someone can do. I cannot tell you how furious I am that someone who I used to call "a friend" would sit here and have the nerve to copy my work! I am disgusted, and even more so, I am appalled. I guess the world in which we live in is one where we have to take the good with the bad, but I am not going to stand for someone stealing my words - NO WRITER SHOULD. If you are so simpleminded that you cannot find your own thoughts to say about something - DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. I take back what I said, I am not at all flattered, I AM FUCKING PISSED. I don't understand this at all. Seriously, What the fuck?
Anyone out there reading this who has done this to someone should be EXTREMELY ashamed of themselves. I think it just shows how much idiocy is out there in the world today...and especially copying something word for word. (Except you had the guts to take out bitch and cunt because you didn't want to be known for using that - real smart.) In the educational world you would be kicked out of school for pulling shit like that, and you think you can be a teacher? RIGHT.
I just don't know what to say anymore. I am purely speechless. Is this where the educational system in America has led us to? Are we doomed to do nothing but duplicate everything we have ever written because we are too small minded to think of our own ways of explaining things? My answer is FUCK THAT.

As a writer I refuse to let my work be taken and reproduced without my permission...especially when words are changed. I hope all of you writers out there do the same. It's time for all the other people to write what THEY think in their OWN words.

A Word To The Wise: DO YOUR OWN WORK.

I Can Lead The Nation With A Microphone

As the Democratic race for the Presidential hopeful is winding down, it's looking like a fight to the death for Clinton. After losing key states, she is finally coming back and showing Obama (and the rest of the world) that she's not going to back down even when people tell her she needs to quit. I think the critics need to give her credit where credit is due, and ultra-conservatives seem to dump on her and call her such unique names as "bitch" and "cunt" except that they do not realize taking cheap shots isn't going to keep her down. As for Obama, he is nothing short of a conspiracy. The younger people (except for me) want him because he's "hip and fresh" and appeals to the more liberal side of the party. Being that I am about as far left as I can get and still voting for Clinton, I hope my generation knows what they are getting into. Obama is the least-experienced, least likely to get anything done, and least of what America needs right now.
There are many things to say about the Democratic race, especially to the naysayers who don't think there's much of a chance for Clinton with the delegates counted, but just look at the popular vote. More republicans are switching parties just for the fact that they don't want to see McCain's scraggly ass in the WH, only to collapse within a week because he is too overwhelmed. We need someone strong and someone with experience that will get things done, and Clinton is the only one who meets those requirements. I think it is really depressing to see that people can't look past her being a female. Honestly, if Clinton was a man (not Bill though) I am sure he would be voted in as fast as you can say "democracy" and be handed a bonus check and a stack of hundred dollar bills to wipe his ass with.
It's really sad to see that we are still so prejudiced against our own people even in today's society where we preach freedom and all that hoopla. A white man can come into presidency and fuck it up so bad that we are in a national hole, yet a white woman or black man can't come in without a fight just because of their race/gender. What the fuck? Listen up and listen good, this isn't the 60's and 70's anymore, and segregation is long gone. We've seen many minorities do great things (I don't have to list them...too many!) and yet we can't see them taking on a responsibility that has become nothing more than a joke in the past decades. Seriously, the job could be done by a monkey better than GWB has done in the past 8 years, and I am not exaggerating...though I wish I was.
So America, what are we so afraid of? I mean the only way this country can go is up...and no matter who we choose from the Democratic side, we are going to have our ups and downs. No one can be perfect, and I definitely don't expect it to be, but I expect a president with some effort here. I expect someone who cares about what is really important in the world right now, and not just some side step who wants to keep fighting a pointless war. YES I SAID IT. A pointless war. That's all this is anymore. We've done what we needed to do, and we've been idle since we caught Hussein. Bin Laden wants nothing to do with us anymore, we need to move on to the problems here at home. Our poverty level is exceeding what anyone thought it ever would, not to mention our environmental issues that SERIOUSLY need to be addressed. Oh, and health care anyone? We need to quit fucking around with other countries before we end up like them..
Pick Clinton. Pick Obama. I don't give a shit, just pick a Democrat. It's time we finally get in there and clean up this mess. We need a strong-willed person who is ready to clean up all the shit that GWB's camp has left for us, and we need someone to really start using their brain rather than their ego. I fear if another man gets in (even if Obama is pussy-whipped and a bit of a bitch) his ego is going to turn this whole nation into another arm's race for something we don't need to be involved in. Women understand that we don't need to be the leader of everything...that's why we aren't power hungry to fuck everyone else's day up just for a cup of mocha-skim latte at the local Starbucks. I understand politics are dirty and nothing good comes from them, but why does it have to be that way? Seriously, let's stop the bullshit already and actually do something credible to make us a Country worth knowing. It's time to quit making enemies and start making allies, or else we are just going to be another WWII Germany looking for help and no one is going to give a shit.
We've only got 4 months left of this atrocious WH, let's make the best of it and plan for the future.

Taking A Shot At Tila Tequila

"If you ever hurt me, I'll fucking kill you." That would be the tag line to one of Tila Tequila's "songs." I say it in quotes because her music is so fucking terrible I think William Hung has a better voice than her. To get the cheap shots out of the way, the clinically midget-Tila is trying to find love on television...but it gets better. She is trying to find love on MTV, for the SECOND time. I have to admit, I watched the whole first season up at school and watched her give this huge "I'm bisexual" charade for a couple of months and then end up picking a guy...some douchebag from New York named Bobby. Of course, the relationship didn't last, and only after a few days of the decision being public of who she chose, she announced plans for a second season.
What is it with all these washed up stars trying to get back their fifteen minutes of fame? First it's that faggot Flava Flave, then New York, then Bret Michaels, now Tila Tequila. First of all, this Tila character was only known on Myspace (maybe Jeffrey Starr should get a show next?) and she was known as a model and for her music (whoever thought some asian chick who looks like she's 10 with a bad attitude and dirty mouth would get a television show coulda fooled me.) The first season was pathetic enough (yet strangely intriguing) with weird lesbians running around in caution tape (Hey! girl hey! anyone?) and butch girls like Dani (she shoulda won) while the men sit dumbstruck and salivating over girl-on-girl action. This whole show is like Match.com on television for celebrities that need to bring in more cash while trailing along innocent (yet equally pathetic) "normal" people. You look at some of their occupations and wonder if they will actually have a job when they don't get that god forsaken key (teachers? what the fuck?)
Now in the middle of the second season, from the get-go I was disappointed there was no Dani-counterpart sheman to take over and dominate the competition. Instead, we have two of the biggest douchebags I have ever seen (Jersey and that ugly guy with the random bleach spot) parading around the show organizing panty raids and acting all bro-like. Men with egos like that piss me off, and instead of giving them a key, I would have shoved the key up their asses because thats what Jersey boy bitches enjoy. I definitely thought George was the only decent guy on the show, and now that he is kicked off for not wanting to talk about sex (I call that a blessing?) there is no real gems left in that bunch (why is glitter still on the show?)
Just in case you all missed it...THERE'S A CLIFFHANGER! The two douchebags tag team Bo and he gets headbutted (please send the bitches home) so now it's all in next weeks hands to see what happens. Anyway, the competitions are pretty sweet too. Eating pigs vagina seems so appetizing, and if my boyfriend asked me to do that to show my love for him, by golly would I do that! (sarcasm alert!) How about taking shots of tartar sauce and hot sauce? Oh hell yes I am in! Why the hell not? I mean honestly, heartburn goes away, but true unadulterated television relationships last forever! (or until the next season's contract comes up) Cleverly adding in "blue balls" and "pearl necklaces" show the true and pure genius of the woman that is Tila Tequila. I mean seriously, with a name like that and such a successful singing career, who wouldn't think of her as anything less than professional?
Seriously, I'm not sure why I watch the MTV reality shows like I do, I just have this weird compulsion to see who wins (I'm all on team Bo now) and why the hell not? It gives me something to make my less than eventful life more interesting, and gives me something to look forward to just in case I can't find love on my own or with the help of an internet dating site. I think we should all aspire to be a part of the television dating series, it's like AOL chatrooms for the millennium. Even better, it's like getting caught with a vibrator but not being shunned about it. What a great feeling! Even if you do have to go after someone who looks like a gorilla? Oh well, she doesn't give a fuck and neither do I! I'm going to find love even if it kills me! (But not without the rigorous testing procedure first.) I mean, you'll never know if a man/woman (I don't discriminate) is good enough for you until you throw them into a house with a bunch of people and tell them to fetch you blue balls on a slip and slide and ride a bull.

Word of advice if my boyfriend (or even a future boyfriend or husband...whatever works) if you want to earn my love and keep it, you better start working out that mouth and those forearms...and you better not fear anything!


So world, you've got a shot at love...are you interested?

Hey You Inflatable Pig, Ha-Ha, Charade You Are

I have to say, when something in the news comes up about Pink Floyd, I am immediately drawn to it. This one had some symbolism for me, especially in the fact that it deals with my FAVORITE Pink Floyd songs, "Pigs (Three Different Ones) The 11 minute anti-socialist tirade of Roger Waters is probably the one and only reason why I don't think he is a complete mind-controlling dick, and thankfully for him, he's got the only voice for the song (except he plays nothing like Gilmour.)
Anyway, so at one of his concerts in California, Waters was playing a rendition of "Pigs" when one of the most well-known symbols of Pink Floyd (the pig) was flying in the air. Apparently it had some rubbish about voting for Obama (I wouldn't expect much more from Waters) and then some witty phrase about not being imprisoned or something or other, but that isn't important. Anyway, so some smart guy decided to let the pig go during the show, and two lucky neighbors of the arena got pieces of the pig draped in their yard. They are lucky because the bitches get to split $10k because the pig was found (I'll let Waters drop a fucking bomb on my house as long as I get some money and I get to meet the band...and tell them what idiots they are for being stubborn.)
Honestly though, Pink Floyd is lucky enough to still have all of its original members (-Syd cos he was cracked out from the beginning...it was amazing he lasted as long as he did) and yet they still need to hold a grudge to prove a point. Well, when I say they, I mean Roger. He felt the need to be the greedy bitch when writing the songs and creating the atmosphere, I don't blame Gilmour, Wright, and Mason for dumping his ass after the "Wall." I just think it's time Waters puts his tail between his legs and gives the fans what they want - a reunion while they all still can. Let's face it, they aren't getting any younger, and as much as I would have loved to have seen David Gilmour in his sexiness prime, I can't...but I will settle for the powder-white haired pudgy guitar god over nothing any day. They are all still extremely successful (Waters on his own, G/W/M on tour) and they all can still walk...how long do we have to wait? I think the god's guitar solos will lose their flare if he's strapped to a wheelchair, but that's just me.
To point something out though, there is MAJOR speculation that the band will be reuniting in 2009 for a tour (PLEASPLEASEPLEASE COME TO THE UNITED STATES) Seriously, if they come remotely close to Pittsburgh, I would sell all my ovaries and my body 10-fold just to see them in concert. You may laugh and think to yourself that I am joking, but I shit you not. I would drop out of college and use my school loans just to see them play one set. This is history we are talking about here. If these rumors are false, I will be totally fucking pissed, and want to cry. I'm watching the Live 8 reunion they had in 2006 and it is beautiful, except for Waters' blatant attempts to steal the stage repeatedly (too bad godly Gilmour ain't nothing to fuck with.) I applaud his efforts though. I guess even still, if G/M/W came around these parts, I would settle to see them without Waters...though his voice is distinctive, yet his defining crazy-ass face isn't deformed anymore. Touche.
As some of you may have seen on youtube, there is a particular scene in the David Gilmour documentary when he and the others are recording in the same studio that (by coincidence...which i think is a load of shit) Waters is as well. Gilmour and Waters exchange embraces, and when you see them shake hands, the stance is FREAKISHLY identical to the cover of their album "Wish You Were Here." Then when they are leaving, Waters says "we shall meet again..." That particular scene gave me the chills, and only something truly great could make that happen. Say what you will, but the essence of Pink Floyd is something NO one can match or prevail over. They are the epitome of the psychedelic and British invasion of the 60's, and have culminated into this group of pure devotion and greatness. Nothing in the music industry (except maybe for the mop-tops of the Beatles) is more familiar than the rainbow prism off of their album "Dark Side of the Moon" and no song is more heartfelt in the minds of angsty kids than "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2. Their music speaks volumes and has carried over for more than 4 decades. That truly says something.
Even still, truth must be told. Pink Floyd may have been founded by Syd, but Pink Floyd would have been NOTHING without Gilmour. Of course we have the Waters camp and the Gilmour camp to who emulated the band more, but as Waters may have been the poet, Gilmour was the god of all guitar solos. Nothing proves this more than the solos in "Comfortably Numb" (yet another one of my favorites.) Although I have never been to a Gilmour or Waters show, I have seen their respective concerts on television and on the internet, and it is clearly visible that the Pink Floyd sound is all Gilmour - even in his solo albums. Though he tried so hard to break his own barrier on his album "On An Island," he still has everything Pink Floyd had - whereas Waters' voice is so broken from its overuse over the years, and there's only so much a bass player can do. His back up band does everything it can to make it close to the sound, but it's just not Floyd. I don't even consider Syd to be a real part of Pink Floyd. I mean sure, he had some great musical talent, but it was so much different than the Gilmour-era, that the two aren't even comparable. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about the band, but there are just some things that can not be ignored. Case-and-point - the most godlike person I've ever seen would have to be Gilmour. Gilmour is grace, poise, and talent. Gilmour is what makes Pink Floyd timeless.


NO MORE EXCUSES.
Time to start scheduling a reunion tour!

Sex and the...French City?

For years I have been a big fan of Sex and the City not only because of its raunchy screen play and its cliffhanging plot line, but because SJP's character Carrie Bradshaw reminded me that writers can actually make money and live fabulous lives, as long as the men, alcohol, and friends are in constant supply. Men have brushed off the show as just another excuse for women to objectify men as these playthings with dollar signs and commas in between them, but it's much, much more than that.
When the television show debuted in the mid-90's, it was a breakthrough hit, especially for HBO. Finally, in between the Playboy channel and ESPN, women had a show of their own they could relate to, without the emotional distress that the Lifetime channel gives women. I respected the fact that the show portrayed women who were successful in their own right, and didn't need a man to give their life meaning (big plus) while adding the single woman's accessory (the gay man) right along next to her designer handbag and shoes. Even with the women taking the show on their own turf, the men of course played a significant role - the relationships. The meat and potatoes so to speak of Carrie's column, Sam's life, Charlotte's problems, and Miranda's pessimism. Not to mention, the men were HOT.
Needless to say, when the show ended in 2004, I was left wondering if they would do a reunion, or if I would be doomed to watching PG versions on network television..or the on-demand HBO episodes (thank god for DVR!) Then, something amazing happened - talks of a movie happened! Though this isn't the long-standing season I wanted and the Big-Carrie relationship that I loved following so much, but hey, it was something. Unfortunately, the show that prided itself on the city of New York has now planned to open in Paris. I understand that Paris is a big fashion industry and whatnot, but what the fuck?
If I am not mistaken, Paris was one of the biggest mistakes the lead character, Carrie, did in the show. She left with that crazy-ass Russian (who I HATED) and ended up being left alone and getting hit. It's okay though, he was an asshole and Big would have kicked his ass if Carrie had allowed. (Man, do I love Mr. Big) Though Big had his asshole-y moments, he was the only one worthy enough to be one of the leading men. The Steve-Miranda relationship never really worked for me (and now knowing that she was a lesbian faking all the big dick talk kind of killed it) Sam-Smith are cute but let's face it, he's young and inexperienced but he has a good heart (hopefully Sam didn't let him go) and Harry-Charlotte are the black sheep of the show, only there to keep it all balanced. Carrie and Big are the basis of everything Sex and the City! If she doesn't end up with him (let's face it...her history with men sucked...Aiden was a dick, Berger was emotionally unavailable, that Bon Jovi character had problems..) it's going to be a big blow to the show. But of course, we all kind of know in the back of our minds that they will be together...
What really gets me is the fact that all the drama between the girls (so-called BFF's?) is what has held off the making of the movie all of these years. They all hated on SJP for being the spotlight character...but what did they think? Honestly, the narrator of the show is going to get the spotlight...not the sex fiend, the narcissist-turned lesbian, or the doormat. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Although from the outsider perspective, while not on the set of Sex and the City, SJP's acting skills are somewhat bleak. For example her Oprah appearance really threw me for a loop. If your syntax sucks, don't talk off set especially if you are playing a witty manizer. Maybe that's just me though.
With all the bad, there is still a TON of anticipation for this movie, especially for me. Well, there was until I saw the previews. Is it just me, or does Chris Noth look like he got some MAJOR botox on his face? He didn't look like the Big I fell in love with during the show. Sure, it's been 4 years...but like what...? two years ago he played in that god-awful Hillary Duff film about being the Perfect Man or some mess like that and he looked absolutely gorgeous...WHAT HAPPENED? I hope it was just my computer screen or that whole attraction will be done for me, and that would suck. Along with that, there was a ton of speculation about someone dying by the end of the film. To me if it's not another one of Charlotte's babies (hey, sometimes miscarriage can be funny...can't really see Charlotte dealing with a crazy kid) then it's unnecessary. Why would you kill off a character? Is Sam's cancer in remission? Why does it look like on the trailer that Carrie leaves at the alter? Did Steve cheat on Miranda? Did Carrie push Big away? Again? Hopefully these questions can be answered in the movie...but with all the scores from the seasons that need to be settled, this movie could easily be 5-7 hours (which I would totally be fine with.)
So now with the countdown to Sex and the City the Movie at 18 days, I'm hoping it's worth the wait and worth the $9.00 I'm going to have to shell out just to see it. Unlike other films, this one can't be seen after it comes out on DVD. I think it would be interesting if Cynthia Nixon's character would have turned lesbian on Steve in the show/movie...could have really turned it up a notch. I dunno, that's just me...I just cannot wait for the movie!


Please with all that is holy, do not make this movie shitty.

City of Incest about to feel the wrath of a good ol' fashioned Pensnation raping.

There's nothing quite like watching a hockey game, especially when it matches up two teams from the same state for the Eastern Conference Finals. Of course, one is going to win and head to TSC, and the other will go back home crying - or in Fuckadelphia's case, they will make excuses all series about why they are doing so poorly and blame it on the other team, Pittsburgh, for outlandish plays they just can't keep up on.
After the first game of the series where the Pens sent Briere back to where the little bitch came from, it was obvious that this series was going to be like playing Ottawa again. No problems there, except the fact that Canadian teams have more class than Fuckadelphia ever will, especially coach John Stevens. Besides the fact that he looks like that kid in high school that had his head draped over a TI-80 for four years that everyone hated, he showed just how classy Fuckadelphia is at Sunday's game 2 of the series, where he spouted "That's fucking bullshit!" at least 5 times after the clock had run 6 seconds more than what he thought to be fair.
First of all, the man has got to know he's being framed at every angle (though I don't know why...he's an ugly S.O.B) and anyone with half a brain cell could figure out what he was saying. Right, you're pissed off - let it go. Or...you could do what Hartnell did all game and keep a muddy half grin/half snarl on your face and not do anything about it. Whatever the case, don't act like a angsty teenager just because your team sucks and you're finally realizing it. Sure, Sid the Kid has been known to say "fuck" every once in a while when he gets jobbed during a play, but he's actually doing work - whereas you Mr. Stevens, are sitting your ass on the bench doing nothing productive with your sacred Flyers. Orange Crush is right, this series is going to be a shoe-in.
I also have another bone to pick with game 2. Not even mentioning the fact that Versus gives some of the most mal-productive commentary out there (am I actually wanting Steiggy back?) one of the most outrageous things I have seen in the playoffs was the disallowed goal by Gonch (some thought it was Crosby, but in fact it was Gonch.) If the boys upstairs would have pulled their heads out of John Stevens' ass crack for 30 seconds while the play was being executed (I guess that's what happens when Versus decides to put two idiots in the box calling the game who run off in tangents about games we don't give a shit about) they would have seen that the puck DID IN FACT cross the line, and that there are many stills from the play that show the puck over that line. You would also think that Fuckadelphia and Cumberger would do something productive with that small momentum booster, but of course, they didn't.
Oh well, I guess it didn't matter whether we got the goal or not. MadMax showed Pensnation why he is so badass and why injuries won't hold us back (coughseanaverycoughkimmotimonen) and even though people call us divers, call-embellishers, bitches, etc...they can't deny the fact that we are winning, and in the playoffs that is all that matters. It also helps to have people like USS Gill and Scary Gary to ward off any players that seem to think they can step to our guys...but as soon as they get within 5 feet of GR's death stare, they know we are all business.
So now we are left to wait until Tuesday evening when the Pens and the Fuckers meet in Fuckadelphia for game 3. With a 2-0 cushion riding under our belts as we coast into the city of inappropriate brotherly love, my only concern is that we need to keep the momentum going and ward off the demons of past losses. It's do or die time to say the least, and this is where we would all cue in "Eye of Tiger" and start running up stairs. Hey, if Stallone can make it happen, so can Bing. Personally, I think it would be amazing to see Malkin run up to the Liberty Bell after we finish the series and bang it like a gong to show "filly" is finished, but I'm not sure if he would understand the significance. Whatever the outcome, it's always sweet to finish off a Pittsburgh native who abandoned his roots for a run-down city with no talent like Philadelphia. Advice to Cumberger after the 4th game loss - become an unrestricted free agent or move to somewhere like China...they can appreciate a choke artist there. Free Rice?

MTV's "The Hills" is all about the drama

Okay, so I was a freshman in high school when the first installment of shitty "reality tv" was created, also known as Laguna Beach (well, I guess formally known) and that was bad enough. For those of you lucky enough to avoid the show, it was basically about these juniors and seniors in high school, the bitchy blonde (+ 1 brunette) girls along with their surfer/jock/asshole boyfriends and boy toys. Now, I have nothing against boy toys, for they fulfill one purpose in life, to satisfy a single woman who doesn't want to settle down, but for these (mostly Kristin and Lauren) aka LC (are men that ridiculous they need to shorten names so they know what to scream at night??) girls, boys are just another accessory to go along with their hollywood fake tans and their jumbo sunglasses that turn their already abnormal faces into aliens (i won't know the big sunglasses, for i own pairs of them, but they look like morons in them) For a while, that show proved to be a nice solace getaway from my Bethel Park roots where drama just wasn't high enough to phase me...I mean c'mon, I don't think one girl from my high school went through the laundry list of boys these two drama queens did, (well, maybe the class of '08 and below is a different story...) and I do not remember any men thinking up (or being bullied into) the creative ways to asking us girls to prom and/or homecoming. For me personally, it was just a simple "wanna go" "ok" type deal, and I'm fine with that, but stereotyping men into this category where chivalry is forced upon them to make their asinine interior fade is just as much bullshit as the "real" script they read over every week. Let's face it, no man would ever think up writing "PROM?" in roses or candles by a pool, and if they do, please give me their numbers...and FAST.
That's beside the point though...now after "LC" moved on with her life and moved on to rough times in Beverly Hills in her top back Mercedes and her luxurious pad, she actually had to find a real job...oh no...god forbid anyone with money actually has to work to make a living. But wait! It gets better! She scores a dream job at Teen Vogue, well actually, she becomes Teen Vogue's little computer/club bitch, which she screws up royally when she chooses a man over Paris (who the HELL would do that?) and lets Heidi (her extremely obnoxious, brainless roommate) crash some of the parties TV is hosting. On the upside, at least her coworker Whitney seems to have some common sense, and shows no real sympathy for when Lauren keeps going back to assholes who don't treat her right...unfortunately she becomes the butt of awkward face punchlines everywhere, and can't seem to get Lauren off her ass so she can get a real job.
So anyway, in typical Hollywood fashion, Heidi finds her perfect counterpart, the equally (if not more) obnoxious dick for brains Spencer, who is a free-loading playboy wannabe banking off of his sister's money (I wish I were making this up...but check it out for yourself) and this dynamic duo makes for rough waters between Lauren and Heidi, because Lauren, being the good friend that she is, disapproves of the way Spencer treats Heidi (okay, what about that drunken piece of shit she dated named Jason?) and Heidi ends up getting engaged to the moron and moves in with him...aka she's the breadwinner and he sits around watching Lost and painting murals of totally rad graffiti all over the place.
Anyway, enough with the background. I hate this show for two reasons: First, it's incredibly addicting, simply for the fact that every week I tune in to see what kind of dumb shit they do next, and who gets another nose job (Heidi, your lips and nose look like shit, get your money back) and second, they say this shit is real, yet anytime you look at Audrina talking, you can tell she's reading straight from a script. It sickens me that I'm drawn to this MTV crap, but I honestly try to count how many times Whitney makes the (omg/wow) face in an episode, or how many times a boy screws them over. One thing is for sure, Brody can go back to Keeping Up With The Kardashians - because he looks like an ugly pug who was kicked by its owner (sad by true - and I DO NOT advocate animal cruelty) and even though Jason was probably high off of his ass during every episode, at least he made it entertaining by being overly-extravagant and saying "omg what did i do?" every five minutes. Ah, quality television.
For a while, I figured that Laguna Beach was dramatic enough. I mean honestly, a bunch of teenagers partaking in underage drinking (yahhhtzeeeee) and using mommy and daddy's credit card to go to Cabo every other weekend was entertaining, but in the real world - it's just not the same. I honestly think the Hills would gain more viewers if they dropped Heidi, Lauren, and Audrina off in the Bronx or somewhere -- maybe even Philly or Compton...did anyone catch Heidi's attempt at rapping on youtube anywhere? She rapped for Nelly, and I think now officially the rap culture is dead. I think a REAL reality show needs some REAL drama, set them up in Compton next to Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie and have them bloods and crips take some target practice at them...or maybe even introduce them to some real-life crack addicts...maybe like an Intervention meets a Snoop Dogg music video. Hell yes.
Either way, I'm still going to watch the rest of the season, even though their new music downloading feature blows (I still haven't found a song they played 30 seconds of on the second episode of this season and it's bugging the hell out of me) because I am mesmerized by Heidi's disgusting nose/lip job she had done in between seasons. I guess she was going for the 24-hour pouty look, congratulations! Where will Lauren go from here? She is already pouncing on Whitney's career and talking with the enemy...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MTV! Put Spencer and Lauren into like a lemonade stand competition...see if the freeloader can make any money with his scraggly ass poor man's facial hair. Now that's real television.

Oh and MTV, thanks for ruining a quality Natasha Bedingfield song...it was catchy the first 3747383832873723 times it was played.


Oh well, at least it's not the Paper...

MTV's "The Paper" Disgraces Journalism

So I was flipping through channels because I was tired of watching depressing episodes of Animal 911 on Animal Planet (honestly, some people are pieces of shit for what they do to animals...but that's another rant) but anyway, so I turn on MTV and finish watching Real World Hollywood which is a disappointment in itself, and then comes on the new show, The Paper. Ok, first of all, who the hell thought it would be interesting watching a bunch of juniors in high school bitch about who becomes editor in chief of their glamorous paper? I was intrigued because I have been a part of newspaper since high school and I am a journalism major, but when I watched these kids I wanted to change my major and never write again.
First we have the annoying over-achieving kiss ass who seems to also be into theatre who dreams of being President and who everyone hates (I wonder why...) then, there is of course, the overly-flamboyant closeted young gay boy who bitches and cries throughout 90% of the episode because he wants editor in chief and relays the fun bitchy back-stabbing comments to all his little cohorts against the crazy kiss ass girl.
Not to mention through it all, we have the annoying young couple who do nothing but make out and touch each other the whole time, even in school (where the fuck are the no touching policies? in my school, we couldn't even hold hands) and then the sports editor who thinks he is king-almighty himself, still wondering why he never got editor in chief because he is the best candidate. So of course, the kiss ass wins the editor in chief position - so where is the plot line for a whole season? Oh yeah, it's about how the girl is not respected by anyone and how they all plan on teaming up against her and not turn in their stuff etc etc. Basically, all the dilemmas of an over-dramatic bunch of actors who want nothing more than to degrade any normalcy as much as it can.
For me, watching this show has made me shake my head and want to cry because first of all, what high school newspaper staff has 50 members? second of all...how many of them are actually THAT good? and finally, with all the drama...god only knows how good the paper actually is. Sounds like it is all a gossip column for pissy post-puberty kids who have nothing better to do. They may say they are highly respected, but they sure as hell don't show it.
If you're on a staff under someone you don't like, you don't jeopardize the production of the item because you're stubborn, you tough it the fuck out! If the Advocate (my college newspaper) staff ever turned into a charade like this, I would quit immediately and burn the damn office down. Journalism is about ethics, respect, and truth...which this show has none of. I am thoroughly disgusted at the fact that MTV found it entertaining to take a bunch of moronic teenieboppers and shove responsibility in front of them, and I hope all of those kids look back on this one day and go "what the fuck was I thinking" because that is exactly what I am thinking right now.
On a final note, who takes high school journalism that seriously anyway? Ok, when I was in high school, my EIC my junior/senior year was a control-freak crazy ass bitch with nothing better to do than to complain and meticulously do her math homework while everyone else did the work, but honestly, I remember hearing off the show from the kiss-ass something to the effect of, "becoming editor in chief of my high school newspaper will be the most important position of my life, if i don't get it, my life will be over." Hun, if that's the case, you might as well start practicing "would you like fries with that?" rather than the inverted pyramid of style.
Anyway, the point of this rant is that MTV can go to hell...how can something be called music television when there's no music? Hail limewire and the use for Canadian network shows that actually show music!